Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
