I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
