Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My ATM looks so different sober.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
