I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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