Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
