CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
