It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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