You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
