The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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