It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
