I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
