the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
