God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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