At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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