She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
