he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
