Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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