it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think people are normalizing furries
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
