I think my vagina is haunted
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
