I wish my penis had an off switch
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
