Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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