I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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