Your tits are I can't wait for
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
not ubering you a puppy
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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