i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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