I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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