I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
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Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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