a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just blew my weed a kiss
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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