You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just gift wrapped bread.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
