is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
