What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
