i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
