Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
