just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
