Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
