You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
