It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
