i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
