Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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