i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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