I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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