The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
