have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
