Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The adults are the big ones right?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
