She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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