There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
