TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
