quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
