Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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