hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I touched a dick in church today
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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