conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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