Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
