im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
